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  The Cat                                     

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him oneday by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away.He put thebeast out and headed home.Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat furtherand further and the cat would always beat him home.At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right,then left, past the bridge, then right again and another rightuntil he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?"Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a ***** on the phone,I'm lost! and need directions!"

The cats response.

   Perfect Salesman

Young guy from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big 'everythingunder one roof' department store looking for a job. The Manager says, 'Doyou have any sales experience?'The kid says, 'Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota 'Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. 'You start tomorrow.I'll come down after we close and see how you did.'His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the storewas locked up, the boss came down. 'How many customers bought somethingfrom you today?'

The kid says, 'One.'

The boss says, 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers aday. How much was the sale for?'
The kid says '$101,237.65.'
The boss says '$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?'
The kid says, 'First, I sold him a small fishhook. Then I sold him a medium
fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing
rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he
said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went
down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then
he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down
to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.'
The boss said, 'A guy came in here to buy a fishhook, and you sold him a BOAT AND a TRUCK???!!!'
The kid said, 'No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing........'

 A Florida couple

A Florida couple, Moe and Flo, both well into their 80's, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'Moe says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.' He thanks them for coming, wishes them good luck, charges them $50 and says goodbye.
The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leaves.
Finally, after five or six weeks of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'Moe says, 'We're not trying to find out anything. She's married, and we can't go to her house. I'm married, and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare.'

 A little boy

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy,how was I born?' The father answers:' Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.

Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.

We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to adownload from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall,and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

You got Male